Autobiography 09
Phra Nirōdharaṅsī Gambhirapaññāvisiṭṭha
Luang Pu Thate Desaraṅsī
Wat Hin Mak Peng, Si Chiang Mai District, Nong Khai Province
34. Rains Retreats 56–57: This Conditioned Body is a Saṃsāra (1977–1978)
The conditioned body is a saṃsāra — it turns endlessly without stopping. Even the mind of one who has not been trained is also a saṃsāra. Only one who has trained sees it as something wearisome.
Take myself as an example. After leaving the group in Phuket in 1964, my voice became hoarse to the point of being unable to speak. Now it has happened again. After the group of new monks (medical students from Siriraj) who came to study Dhamma had just returned, I had a minor illness, and my voice became hoarse for no apparent reason. To this day, my voice has not returned to normal.
Dr. Rote Suwansutthi invited me to Siriraj Hospital for a general check-up. The examination showed no disease other than old age. Saṃsāra is like this. Every form and name is like this — only the symptoms differ.
35. Rains Retreats 58–71: 28 Years at Wat Hin Mak Peng (1979–1992)
I have now been at Wat Hin Mak Peng for 28 years — quite a long time. If I were a layperson, I would have had enough time to establish myself, to have enough to live on. As an old monk, I just stay and guard the monastery like any old monk. I cannot go anywhere as before. Even if I went, there are no forests left for tudong like in the old days — people have cut down all the forests. And disciples increase day by day. Wherever I go, there are children born from the mouth, not from the womb, following in droves.
Thus, in 1978, when Air Chief Marshal Harin Hongsakul invited me to go into seclusion at Ob Luang, Chom Thong District, Chiang Mai Province, people followed in droves. Instead of fasting and mortifying the body in meditation practice, the opposite happened — food was abundant, and there were fine mattresses and beds to sleep on.
Regarding the four requisites, if they are too luxurious, they become a serious obstacle to meditation for those who are not yet attained. Any monastery or center that receives many offerings tends to have quarrels, and Dhamma study does not progress as it should.
Even in the worldly sphere, the same is true. Wherever gain and veneration arise, there is danger for many people. Officials become corrupt, devouring everything. Quarrels arise over unequal benefits. Merchants and influential citizens, when their interests conflict, kill each other — countless deaths. Therefore the Buddha said: Sakkāro kāpuriṣaṃ hanti — "Veneration kills the ignoble person."
Staying in one place too long, one sinks deeper and deeper. Laypeople, seeing things that are not good or beautiful in the monastery, have faith and build things, creating beautiful, permanent objects. Then one is obliged to maintain them. If one does not maintain them, it becomes an offense according to the Vinaya for the monk who is the caretaker.
And who is that? It's the old monk — the abbot. Training, teaching, sitting, lying, living, eating, going on alms round, all the duties, as well as the education of all the monks and novices in the monastery — all become the burden of a single old monk. They call him "abbot" — truly as they say. There is no avoiding this. One must fight until death.
When I think of the kindness of Buddhism, of the teachers and senior monks of the past, beginning with the Buddha — they led the religion in this very way — then my heart becomes courageous. I, too, have been one who has carried on the religion in succession. It is not a waste to have been born human and to have ordained in Buddhism, having fulfilled my duty. When people perform acts of respect, bowing, or making offerings, they always think of me. But what are they bowing to? They and I are the same — lumps of earth, water, fire, and air. In truth, at the very least they bow out of respect for the yellow robe, which is the symbol of an arahant.
The religion survives because of this faith. Even if one does not see it clearly with one's own heart, one believes through inherited understanding. I think of the great kindness of Buddhism. Having ordained for so long, the religion has nurtured me to be a good person all along. The religion has never advised or taught me to do evil — not even a little. Yet despite that, we still transgress and think of doing evil.
The lodgings, beds, mats, pillows, mosquito nets, and all the food we consume and use today — all belong to Buddhism. The medicines for illness belong to those who have faith in the religion and have given them as donations.
When I first ordained as a monk, I had to rely on the yellow robe, the symbol of those noble ones, which my preceptor and teachers gave me. (Preceptors and teachers are merely representatives of Buddhism, because they all take the Triple Gem as their foundation.) Having received this noble garb, people bow and make offerings in abundance. That I have not died and have survived until today is because of the religion. Buddhism has infinite, countless virtues toward myself and the whole world together.
Wherever I have come to stay — here or elsewhere — when I had physical strength, I built permanent objects in Buddhism as evidence, according to my ability. Now that I am old and have no physical strength to build, laypeople have faith and donate funds. I take those funds and build permanent objects in Buddhism on their behalf. If there is anything left over to distribute to other monasteries, I do so.
But I have never been a slave to bricks, cement, or wood. Because I see those things as external. No matter how beautifully built, no matter how many millions spent, if we ourselves are not good and behave badly, those things are meaningless. The true essence of Buddhism is not in objects — it is in the practitioner. This is my principle.
Ordination, which is called nekkhamma — renunciation of sensual pleasures — with the intention of practicing according to the truth of the Buddha's teaching to be free from all suffering — should not lead one to bury oneself in a pile of bricks and cement.
35.1 The Ordination Hall (Bot) of Wat Hin Mak Peng
Around 1966, Mr. Kong Siri from Ban Khok Suak, Tambon Phra Phutthabat, had the faith to build a Buddha image enshrined on a large rock, facing the Mekong River. It was made of limestone and sand, without steel reinforcement, using large stones found in the monastery mixed with cement and sand.
He raised funds and hired masons to build it by himself; I was not involved at all. I understand it cost about 1,000 baht. The Buddha image, in the Māra-vijaya posture (subduing Māra), has a lap width of about 4 meters and a height from base to top of the usnīṣa of about 5 meters. The original appearance was not beautiful, because the hired masons were ordinary folk artisans without much skill in sculpting Buddha images. Later, I found skilled artisans to refine it, especially the face, refining it two or three times until it became as beautiful as seen today.
After that, we built a hall to cover the Buddha image, with monastery funds and the monks' own labor. Later, the monastery received royal permission for the visuṅgāma sīmā (boundary of the ordination hall) on 26 March 1970. I considered that Wat Hin Mak Peng had become a fully legitimate monastery, deserving of an ordination hall for performing Saṅgha acts according to Dhamma and Vinaya, for the future prosperity of Buddhism. And I thought that the area where the large Buddha image stands would be suitable for building an ordination hall covering it. When completed, we would have both the ordination hall and the main Buddha image together.
Thus, we held the foundation stone laying ceremony on 12 April 1972, with Somdet Phra Mahāvīraṅga (Phim Dhammadharo) of Wat Phra Si Mahathat, Bang Khen, Bangkok as the Saṅgha president, and Air Vice Marshal Chu Sutthichot as the lay president. This ordination hall has two roof tiers, 7 meters wide, 21 meters long, 9 meters high from floor to ceiling, roofed with banana-leaf-shaped clay tiles. Khun Khae Sri Tansiri of the Department of Health was the designer. Ajahn Luean Phukaphong of the Fine Arts Department designed the ornamental patterns and advised on construction. Mr. Phaibun Chanthad was the contractor. The labor cost alone was 300,000 baht. Wing Commander Phunsak Rattitham procured equipment from Bangkok. Mr. Saengphet Chanthad was the treasurer and procured equipment and closely supervised construction. Total construction cost was approximately 700,000 baht, all from faithful donors.
The celebration of the ordination hall, raising the chofā (finials), binding the sīmā, and cutting the luk nimit (boundary stones) was held on 5–7 April 1973, again with Somdet Phra Mahāvīraṅga (Phim) as Saṅgha president and Air Vice Marshal Chu Sutthichot as lay president.
In 1986, we repaired and replaced the roof tiles with C-pac Monier tiles, made new chofā, bai raka, khantayohang (decorative roof elements), stucco patterns on door and window arches, lotus bud capitals, and the wall surrounding the ordination hall, painting both interior and exterior. Total cost: 450,000 baht.
In 1992, we gilded the large main Buddha image, costing another 299,500 baht.
35.2 The Mandapa of Wat Hin Mak Peng
In 1972, I considered that the location right on the Mekong riverbank was a suitable site. I wanted to build a mandapa in the art style of the Mekong basin, as a place to enshrine sacred objects — Buddha images, relics, etc. Besides that, I secretly thought: as a precaution, if something should happen to me, it would not burden those who come after to find a place to keep my ashes.
I mentioned my wish to build this mandapa to many people, but in the end it went silent due to lack of funds. Later, in 1977, Mr. Praphat Ketsa-at visited the monastery. I mentioned it again. Mr. Praphat became interested and agreed, volunteering to draw the plans.
When Mr. Praphat finished the rough plans, he took them to consult Mr. Prawet Limparangsri, Director of the Handicrafts Division of the Fine Arts Department, to help refine and add details. Mr. Prawet, who is an expert in Mekong basin art, gave enthusiastic help. Later, he became the designer, supervisor, and consultant for the mandapa's construction from start to finish, including interior decoration.
When the plans were complete, Mr. Praphat showed them to me. It was a beautiful, majestic mandapa. But the structural engineering for reinforced concrete had not yet been calculated, so he took the plans back to continue work. Then it went silent again for quite a long time, and I thought it would never happen, so I decided to abandon the idea.
At the beginning of 1979, Mr. Praphat came to see me. During the silent period, he had taken the plans to an engineer to calculate the concrete structure, and at the same time had tried to find someone to calculate the foundation. The work was not yet finished, so he hadn't informed me. He asked to continue.
When Dr. Wanchai Pongpiphat of Phra Phutthabat Hospital, Saraburi Province — who had previously ordained and stayed the Rains Retreat at Wat Hin Mak Peng — learned of this, he donated 200,000 baht to begin construction, and later donated another 100,000 baht.
The mandapa is a large three-story reinforced concrete building, 13 x 13 meters, approximately 36 meters tall. Experts from various fields collaborated. Architectural and artistic work was overseen by Mr. Praphat and Mr. Prawet. The structural engineering was calculated by Captain Chaichan Panyavat, Royal Thai Navy. The foundation was particularly difficult because the entire building had to be built on the steep riverbank slope, requiring special expertise. Professor Dr. Chai Mooktapan took on the task of surveying the site and rock layers, then designed the entire foundation. Despite his heavy workload, he found time to help willingly. May we rejoice in his wholesome intention. The contractor was Mr. Pramuk Banchoedsakun of P.W.Ch. Likitkan Sang, who treated it as his own building, always trying to improve anything not good or suitable, even beyond the contract.
Construction began with the first contract on 29 April 1979 and the second on 19 August of the same year, at a total cost of 2,716,913 baht (initial). Later, additional items were added for beauty and suitability. The final total was approximately six million baht.
As construction began, faithful donors contributed. Khun Kasama (Tu) Supphasamut donated 100,000 baht. The Electricity Generating Authority of Thailand and Thai Airways International together held a united Kathina ceremony in 1979, raising 640,000 baht for the mandapa. The Department of Religious Affairs approved a subsidy of 250,000 baht. As construction progressed and took shape, donors came from all directions — individuals and groups — seeing the construction and giving generously. It is impossible to name them all here.
The largest donor and a major force was Mr. Thanēt Iatsakul, who donated materials and cash totaling over 600,000 baht — a very important supporter.
This mandapa is quite special: every step received careful attention and selection, from the choice of location — a prominent, suitable spot with a panoramic view from inside, no dark corners. The design is a mandapa of exceptional beauty, a unique art style of the Mekong basin. The structure and foundation are extra strong, intended to be a permanent sacred site for ages.
The main Buddha image cost 95,000 baht, shared equally by P.W.Ch. Likitkan Sang and Khuan Chot Ropbun, Khun Rose Boribanburikhan and group. The image was designed and crafted beautifully in a contemporary art style by a master sculptor of the Fine Arts Department — elegant and uniquely gentle, unlike Buddha images in other temples or sacred sites.
The pedestal for the Buddha image, together with all decorations, was donated by Dr. Sawoeng Watchanasawat and relatives, costing 420,000 baht.
The final special quality — perhaps the most special — is that this mandapa came into being solely through faith. All construction funds came from pure faith donations, without any solicitation or fundraising by the monastery. This is extremely rare in the present age.
From initiation to completion, it succeeded through the joyful cooperation of many parties — whether named or not — all sharing the same faith, contributing wealth, strength, wisdom, and ideas, bringing about this unique, majestic mandapa, difficult for any other building or sacred site of this era to match.
All good people should be proud. I am filled with joy in their wholesome intention and rejoice in the merit arising from their faith. In 1992, we repainted the entire exterior and gilded from the ridge up to the mandapa's spire, costing another 337,750 baht, again from the faith of donors who united to support Buddhism and to create a memorial for me, the builder, who reached 90 years of age on 26 April 1992.
35.3 Desaraṅsī Hall
The original hall of Wat Hin Mak Peng was a dining hall — high floor, wooden posts, plank flooring, bamboo-mat walls, zinc roof — not durable. After I had been here about two years, laypeople from Bangkok began coming more often. When they saw the place, they liked it and had faith, so they raised funds to build a new assembly hall (sālā kān pariyat) to replace the old one, which was very dilapidated.
The new assembly hall is a two-story Thai-style wooden building, 11 meters wide, 17 meters long. Most of the labor was done by the monks and novices themselves. Completed on 20 July 1967, total cost 84,763 baht. It was named "Thate Pradit Hall."
Time passed. Laypeople from Bangkok and various provinces came to Wat Hin Mak Peng more and more. Transportation became easier because the government built a road passing in front of the monastery. Monks, novices, laymen, and laywomen who came to stay, observe the precepts, and practice — both permanent residents and temporary visitors — increased steadily. On important Buddhist holy days, the existing hall could not accommodate everyone. Moreover, Thate Pradit Hall had deteriorated due to termite damage in some parts, becoming potentially unsafe.
The Wat Hin Mak Peng committee consulted with me and agreed to build a new assembly hall, larger and more permanent, for future religious activities.
The new assembly hall was built on the same site after demolishing the old one. It is a two-story reinforced concrete building, 23.0 meters wide, 44.0 meters long. The upper floor is an open hall throughout, parquet flooring, walls of aluminum-framed glass with doors and windows all around. The veranda and surrounding terraces are marble-floored. The lower floor is an open hall throughout, all marble flooring. Landings and steps are of washed gravel. Designed by Ajahn Sakhon Phromthasarn of Nong Khai Technical College. The labor contract was with Mr. Kong Si Kaewhin on 25 January 1985. The monastery provided all construction materials. Construction was completed per contract on 25 February 1986. Total cost for the assembly hall and bell tower was 7,693,926.52 baht. It was named "Desaraṅsī Hall, 1986."
35.4 Mural Paintings
Later, disciples had the faith to have mural paintings done on the upper floor walls of the assembly hall. They commissioned an artist to paint in fine oil colors. The central section depicts the Buddha's life — birth, renunciation, ascetic practice, enlightenment, first sermon, delivery of the Ovāda Pātimokkha, and final parinibbāna. The right section depicts scenes of Wat Hin Mak Peng. The left section depicts Phra That Phanom and local Northeastern customs. The contract was with Mr. Samāt Thongsom on 27 September 1987 for 650,000 baht, completion within 12 months, under the supervision of Khun Khaimuk Chuto.
35.5 Bell Tower
Later, a bell tower was built at the northeast corner of the hall. Mr. Thanēt Iatsakul donated the entire labor cost per contract: 350,000 baht. He also donated a cast bell costing 60,000 baht.
35.6 Wat Hin Mak Peng Library
The original library was a single-story wooden building on the site of the current library. As the new assembly hall neared completion, I thought it appropriate to build a new library in harmony with it. Mr. Chatchawan Pringphuangkaew of Design 103 Co., Ltd., Bangkok, kindly helped design the plans. It is a two-story reinforced concrete building, 12.30 meters wide, 13.00 meters long, with a three-gabled Thai roof, stucco pediments on all three sides. The labor contract was with Mr. Kong Si Kaewhin on 4 September 1985, the monastery providing all materials. Completed on 9 April 1986 at a cost of 725,054.63 baht.
35.7 Drum Tower
After the library was completed, Mr. Thanēt Iatsakul, a man of strong faith, asked permission to sponsor a drum tower, together with a large drum, to complement the bell tower. At the same time, faithful laypeople from Sakon Nakhon, Kalasin, Mukdahan, and Ban Khua Sung had faith to donate a large gong. So I designed and commissioned a drum tower — upper floor for the drum, lower floor for the gong. Construction cost 65,000 baht, sponsored entirely by Mr. Thanēt.
35.8 Kuṭis and Dwellings
Kuṭis and dwellings for monks and novices are a necessity. When we first arrived, there were only a few kuṭis. Some deteriorated and needed repair or rebuilding, while new ones were added to meet the needs of the growing Saṅgha.
Most kuṭis at Wat Hin Mak Peng are in Thai style, of appropriate sizes, all arising from the faith of laypeople who built them as offerings — one, two, or even three kuṭis per person — hoping to provide for monks and novices to stay during the Rains Retreat. Those interested in practice also ask to build houses for meditation. At present, there are 56 permanent kuṭis for monks and novices, 37 houses for nuns and laypeople, a mae chee hall, kitchen, toilets, large water tanks supplying the whole monastery, and a generator. The total value is no less than 10 million baht.
In 1983, Mr. Boon Sakunkhu, together with relatives, had the faith to build a single-story Dhamma study classroom for the monks and novices staying the Rains Retreat, costing about 300,000 baht.
35.9 Monastery Wall
Since coming to Wat Hin Mak Peng in 1965, the development and construction of permanent objects has gradually progressed through the faith of disciples and laypeople. At the same time, we bought additional land to expand the monastery's area.
In 1985, Mr. Sornsak Soison (then District Chief of Si Chiang Mai) helped contact the Land Department to obtain legal title documents, which succeeded. According to the land utilization certificate (Nor Sor 3 Kor) No. 0001, Book 1 Kor, page 01, issued on 29 January 1985, the area is 261 rai 2 ngan 92 square wa (about 104 acres). This is the first and only place in this area to receive legal title.
Considering that Wat Hin Mak Peng had developed greatly and the surrounding villages had expanded, I thought it appropriate to clearly define the monastery's boundaries. We requested cooperation from the Office of Rural Development in Nong Khai Province. Mr. Woraphot Thīra Amphon, the office head, kindly helped with site design, preparation, and building a dirt road around the wall perimeter after construction, sending skilled workers to supervise until completion.
The labor and materials contract was with Mr. Kong Si Kaewhin on 15 October 1986. The front section from the main gate to the western boundary: 654 meters. The western section to the Mekong riverbank: 533 meters. Total construction cost for both sections: 1,613,320 baht. In 1991, we built a reinforced concrete wall from the front gate arch to the Mekong on the south side, approximately 650 meters, costing another 1,090,000 baht.
Offering of Royal Merit
After the completion of the assembly hall, library, bell tower, drum tower, and monastery wall, I saw that these permanent objects arose from the faith of all the laypeople. Upon completion, it was appropriate to celebrate, to inform those who had helped of the success, and to rejoice together in the merit. Moreover, 1987 was a great auspicious occasion for all Thai people: His Majesty the King's 5th cycle birthday (60th birthday). So we scheduled the celebration of these objects for 25–26 April 1987, which also coincided with my 85th birthday. We also performed a ceremony to offer royal merit to His Majesty the King.
On that occasion, Phra Thepavarālaṅkāra (Sri Chan Vaṇṇāpho), Deputy Ecclesiastical Governor of Region 11 (Dhammayuttika) of Wat Si Sutthāwās, Loei Province, was the Saṅgha president, together with Phra Dhammatrailokācārya (Rak Miwanndit), Ecclesiastical Governor of Region 9 (Dhammayuttika) of Wat Si Mueang, Nong Khai Province; Phra Thepamedhācārya, Deputy Ecclesiastical Governor of Region 8 (Dhammayuttika) of Wat Phothisomphon, Udon Thani Province; Phra Bhāvanāpisālathera (Phut Thāniyo) of Wat Pa Salawan, Nakhon Ratchasima Province; and other senior monks. For the laity, Air Chief Marshal Harin Hongsakul was president, leading the offering of those objects and the offering of royal merit. We received the gracious kindness of Somdet Phra Saṅgharāja Sakolamahāsaṅghapariṇāyaka (Charoen Suvaṭṭhano) of Wat Bowonniwet, Bangkok — who at that time held the title of Somdet Phra Ñāṇasaṅworn — in composing the dedication words.
Besides building as repayment of kindness to Buddhism here at Wat Hin Mak Peng, where I have taken shelter for over twenty years, there were also surplus funds from laypeople's faithful donations made to me personally. I distributed these to other monasteries to build permanent objects for the support of Buddhism.
At the same time, laypeople reported needs for public assistance — schools, hospitals, etc. I helped according to my ability, for the benefit of those places and also for the benefit of the donors who had originally offered the funds to me.
All this construction summarized above was extremely troublesome for the doer. Most people who attempt it fail due to lack of funds and faith, especially lack of personal virtue. When successful, they are overjoyed; when unsuccessful, they beat their chests in turmoil.
But for me, having done all this, I feel nothing — success or failure, my mind remains neutral. I consider that I do things merely for the sake of the religion. The funds are not my own; they belong entirely to the faithful laypeople. If it succeeds, it benefits Buddhism and brings merit to the laypeople.
Whatever I do, I never solicit funds. Soliciting is nagging, making people annoyed and weary. That we have succeeded in every project is because of funds that laypeople from the four directions — including from abroad — came and offered.
As for funds offered specifically for Kathina, forest cloth, Saṅgha donations, meal funds, electricity, water — these are kept as monastery funds, used only for Wat Hin Mak Peng.
As for funds offered to me personally, for me to use at my discretion for any purpose — from one baht, ten, hundred, thousand, ten thousand, hundred thousand, according to donors' means and faith — when I saw that there was enough to build permanent objects for public benefit, I used them for the purposes mentioned above.
Funds never ran short. Faith and confidence in my work remained firm. My own virtue did not decline. Everything proceeded smoothly. Sādhu, sādhu, sādhu. These things succeeded because of merit I had previously made.
I myself have never earned a single satang. Laypeople from the four directions come to offer funds for merit-making. Thus I have become the "Treasury Monk" of Buddhists who come to donate for merit in Buddhism.
Being the "Treasury Monk" for Buddhists who donate funds for merit in Buddhism is very difficult for the administrator, because the "customers" (donors) have no ledger — only the Treasury Monk keeps the records. Therefore administration is difficult. Yet administration has proceeded smoothly: when enough funds accumulate to build something — whether an ordination hall, assembly hall, school building, or anything else — I withdraw both principal and interest and spend it completely, leaving not a single satang.
Whoever would be a Treasury Monk administering Buddhists' donated funds — if they are not 100% confident in their own pure hands, they should not do it. If they do, they will harm Buddhism, which they respect, and themselves as well, as can be seen everywhere.
This "I" (the self) is very dangerous, having caused countless people to lose themselves. But the Treasury Monk hereby affirms that these matters are completely pure and clean. Those who have the virtues of shame and fear of wrongdoing (hiri-ottappa) need not fear. Doing anything for personal benefit causes harm. Building things for Buddhism and Buddhists — if one expects only gain, it is very harmful. If one aims for the benefit of Buddhism and the public good — not for anyone's ownership — it is very beneficial.
Especially for a monk — when he builds things, those things lead him away. He abandons his duties in Buddhism and the Dhamma-Vinaya, going to build external things while not building himself — this is extremely harmful.
From the state of dense forest I first saw over 60 years ago — I have been here since 1964 and have developed this place until now — over twenty years have passed. The gradual development of the monastery from start to completion as a permanent monastery, as seen before your eyes today, most importantly arose from the faith of laypeople, of all disciples both ordained and lay, who united their strength, wealth, and ability — more than I could possibly name. The results remain until today.
When Somdet Phra Saṅgharāja Sakolamahāsaṅghapariṇāyaka (Vāsna Vāsano) came to preside over the mandapa celebration, he was very pleased and graciously elevated the monastery as a model development monastery, presenting a certificate and a development fan as souvenirs on 26 May 1982. This is another important honor for Wat Hin Mak Peng. I sincerely hope that this Wat Hin Mak Peng will be a religious site for carrying out monastic duties, for the lasting prosperity of Buddhism for a very long time. I rejoice in all those who have helped in the development of Wat Hin Mak Peng — may they encounter happiness, prosperity, growth, and stability in the Noble Dhamma forever.
To truly benefit others, one must first benefit oneself, then distribute that benefit to others. If others do not accept it, we lose nothing. This is our true duty. Since ordaining in Buddhism, I have done this without fail.
On the occasion of the royal celebration of His Majesty's birthday on 5 December 1990, His Majesty graciously bestowed a promotion of ecclesiastical title, making me a Royal Monk of the Rāj class, with the title: Phra Rājnirodharaṅsī Gambhirapaññāvisiṭṭha Yatikhanissara Baworasaṅghārāma Araññavāsī.
Regarding the bestowal of titles on meditation monks — especially the disciples of Phra Ajahn Mun Phurithatto — I still maintain my personal feeling as previously expressed in this autobiography at the time I received the title of ordinary class Royal Monk in 1957. However, the senior monks explained that the establishment, promotion, and bestowal of ecclesiastical titles is a royal tradition from ancient times, a part of the saṅgahavatthu (virtues of generosity) of the Thai monarch, the Supreme Patron of Buddhism, honoring senior monks who take up the burden of Buddhism, teaching, helping settle ecclesiastical disputes, and supporting monks and novices to remain in their monastic status appropriately. When they have increased their virtues, titles are bestowed in place of royal decorations, as a proclamation of honor. We forest monks can only recollect the great royal kindness, rejoice, and offer our blessings.
36. Rains Retreats 72 – Present (1993–1994)
I have led the reader on a long tour of the world of Wat Hin Mak Peng for quite some time. It is the nature of the world: when one stays anywhere for a long time — even when one's life is long — traces and evidence appear as witnesses, differing only in good and bad. Those with sufficient wisdom and virtue can investigate and find reasons according to reality.
Everyone born experiences old age and illness to some degree, according to their kamma. I am no exception to this truth. As old age increases, illness multiplies, following like a shadow. Vedanā (feelings) appear constantly. But relying on the meditation practice I have cultivated throughout my life, I have been able to use methods and wisdom to maintain myself. Then in December 1985, illness overcame me once more. According to modern medicine, it was a cerebral artery blockage, resulting in the left side of my body not functioning normally.
When His Majesty the King and Her Majesty the Queen learned of my illness, they graciously sent Dr. Rungtham Latphlee, the royal physician, together with Professor Dr. Niphon Phuangwarin of Siriraj Hospital Faculty of Medicine, to care for me at Wat Hin Mak Peng to the best of their ability, along with a medical team from Nong Khai Province including Dr. Boonrueng Chuchaisaengrat (then Director of Sangkhom Hospital), Dr. Wanchai Sattayawutthiphong (current Director of Tha Bo Crown Prince Hospital), Dr. Piyawat Niltham, and many other hospital staff too numerous to name.
I deeply appreciate the great royal kindness of Their Majesties, as well as all those doctors. My illness that time was treated excellently by that medical team, and within a few weeks I recovered, to the doctors' satisfaction. But that's it — an old person is no different from rotten wood. No matter how much one treats and maintains it, one can only live day by day.
After that illness, my health gradually declined with age, until November 1992 when I fell seriously ill again with pneumonia (according to the doctors' diagnosis). After that, other complications constantly sought ways to disturb me. Although the medical team tried their best to care for me until I recovered, my physical health did not allow me to be as strong as before. This caused me to recollect an old place whose geography — especially the climate — was more suitable for my aggregates, where I had experienced seclusion before coming to Wat Hin Mak Peng.
That place is Wat Tham Kham, Phanna Nikhom District, Sakon Nakhon Province, where I had previously stayed the Rains Retreat in 1964. It was the old monastery of Ajahn Fan Ācāro, who had stayed there before.
So I decided to take leave of my friends and laypeople, leaving Wat Hin Mak Peng on 6 March 1993, to go and stay at Wat Tham Kham, where Phra Ajahn Khiam Sorayo is the abbot. He was very glad and willing, providing every convenience as much as possible, not letting me lack or suffer in the least.
I came to stay in the old kuṭi where Ajahn Fan had once stayed. After receiving the climate and atmosphere of Wat Tham Kham, my health recovered miraculously. Food tasted good again. Bathing was refreshing. The fatigue I had experienced and some illnesses disappeared by themselves. So I decided to stay the Rains Retreat at Wat Tham Kham with Ajahn Khiam, and have continued until the present.
Nevertheless, Professor Dr. Niphon Phuangwarin and Dr. Wanchai Sattayawutthiphong still follow up, visiting and caring for my health regularly. The medical teams in the vicinity — Phanna Nikhom Hospital (Phra Ajahn Fan Hospital), Phang Khon Hospital, Sawang Daen Din Hospital, Sakon Nakhon Hospital, as well as the laypeople of Sakon Nakhon Province — have supported me excellently. I therefore record their kindness here.
37. Conclusion
From my ordination until now, I have 71 Rains Retreats. I have always performed my duties — what is beneficial for myself and for others. I began with benefiting myself, then extended to benefiting others. That is, I went on tudong from my first Rains Retreat after ordination, following my teachers, practicing according to their teachings step by step. I had no other business, so I had excellent opportunity for meditation practice.
In later Rains Retreats, I separated from the group and took on more responsibility — disciples constantly following, and the duty of regularly teaching the laypeople, because in those days there were few meditation monks. When someone had many disciples, he was considered a teacher, and people flocked to him. Nevertheless, I never became discouraged in practice — it seemed to be a reminder, making me practice even more strongly. In the end, I gained benefit, and others did not lose.
37.1 The Kindness of Parents
To be born is to have mutual kindness. Children are indebted to parents; parents are indebted to children. Each thinks of the other's debt, though no one demands payment — they think of the debt themselves and repay it according to their own conscience. Some repay a little, some a lot, because this kind of debt is one they have fallen into, created by themselves — no one forces or guarantees it.
Some think of their immense debt to parents, beyond counting. From birth to death, parents nurture their child with everything — sitting, lying, standing, walking, speaking — all requiring the parents' teaching. Even when angry and striking with a stick or hand, they still remember: "This is my child." Sometimes they cannot bring themselves to strike. This is the instinct of born beings.
Parents naturally love their children. Even animals love their offspring, without knowing why or what benefit they will receive. Children are the same. But animals forget after a short while — they love only when young; when grown, they forget everything. Humans love without forgetting — even after death, they still love. How can they return after death? Any human who does not know the kindness of parents and does not repay it is worse than an animal.
I ordained young. I did not support my parents like ordinary people, but I nourished their hearts with the monastic life. Now I can boast: I was born a son, ordained young, did not support my parents like ordinary people, but nourished their hearts with the monastic life, which greatly pleased them. They constantly remembered: "Our son has ordained." Whether near or far, even a thousand kilometers away, they were always happy and satisfied. When they grew old, I returned to teach them, increasing their faith and perfections until they ordained as white-robed practitioners. (They already had faith; I taught them further until their faith became strong, and they ordained as white-robed practitioners.) They meditated and experienced wonderful things, strengthening their faith.
I taught them toward the happy destinations. They listened attentively, like true disciples, willingly receiving instruction. They did not mind a child teaching parents. My father was a white-robed practitioner for 11 years, passing away at age 77. My mother was a white-robed nun for 17 years, passing away at age 82 — my mother died later than my father.
At their death, I advised and taught them to the best of my ability. I have repaid my debt to my parents completely. There is no other debt. After their passing, I performed their cremation ceremonies appropriately for their status and for me as a monk.
It is good that I ordained in Buddhism and have lived this long, witnessing the change of the conditioned body and the external world, seeing many things both good and bad, increasing my knowledge greatly. It is not a waste to have been born into this world with others. I consider myself indebted to the world — I took their earth, water, fire, and air to form this body, and then I have lived consuming and using everything in this world.
I truly own nothing. At death, I abandon everything here. I truly own nothing. Some people do not think of these things, so they cling tightly, thinking everything is "mine" — spouses, children, possessions, household goods — all mine. Even when those things disappear or break, they still cling to them as "mine."
37.2 What Should Not Be Done, and Kamma That Should Not Be Made
What should not be done, but when it arises, we must do it — because this conditioned body, called saṅkhāra, will inevitably age, sicken, and die. No one wants this. Even when old, decrepit, unable to go anywhere, they still don't want to die — they want to live and see their children and grandchildren. When they die, those left behind — even children — will not keep the corpse at home for more than 15 days at most. Usually they burn it. This is called "what should not be done" — because the person we truly respect is burned, which is utterly inappropriate — yet it must be done. No one keeps a ghost in the house to guard it.
Kamma that should not be made: when anyone dies — whether father, mother, brother, sister, or other relatives, even respected teachers — a cremation ceremony must be held. This requires many people and many things, unlike birth, which only required two people (grandparents) to accomplish. You must feed guests, feed people, feed monks, feed the Saṅgha, and find things to offer to monks. This is a burden on the living, especially those of modest means. If they have nothing, they must borrow from siblings, creating debts. This kind of debt yields no income — only loss — unless one truly takes the merit as profit. Nevertheless, it is called "what should not be done," but when it arises before the living, it must be done.
37.3 Birth and Death
Birth and death are not considered the same for living beings. For birth, there is a sequence in the same parents. Whoever is born first is elder; later is younger. But death is not like that — whoever dies first depends on kamma, each person's merit and kamma. Sometimes a younger sibling dies before an elder, sometimes an elder before a younger. After death, they are not necessarily reborn as siblings again — it depends on where kamma sends them. Some who did evil may be reborn as hungry ghosts or demons, or fall into hell burning in Avīci. Some who did good, with a pure mind, may be freed from all suffering and reach nibbāna — nothing is certain.
As for my parents who have passed away, I consider that I owe them no more debt — the debt is fully paid. I am their youngest son and have done everything appropriate for a monk for them, without any deficiency. They probably think the same, and will not demand any further debt from me, because their intentions have been completely fulfilled.
Ajahn Khamdi, the eldest brother, loved me more than his own beloved children. Regrettably, he died while I was away staying the Rains Retreat in Chanthaburi Province, so I could not perform his cremation to repay his kindness as his love deserved. As for all my other siblings, when they were alive I trained them to establish themselves in morality according to their character and perfections. When they died, they had a good mental refuge — not a waste to have been born encountering Buddhism and having practiced according to their ability.
Mrs. Arn Prapohn, second sister, died in 1974 at age 88.
Mrs. Naen Chiang Thong, third sister, died in 1978 at age 90.
Mr. Plian, fourth brother, died in 1972 at age 80.
Mrs. Nuan Klakheng, fifth sister, died in 1973 at age 79.
Phra Ket, sixth brother, died in 1946 at age 48, with 14 Rains Retreats.
Mrs. Thup Diman, youngest sister, died on 16 May 1990 at age 86.
For all siblings, I performed complete cremation ceremonies, fulfilling the wishes of the deceased in every way. For the youngest sister, Thup, in her final years she came to observe the precepts and ordain as a nun, training with me at Wat Hin Mak Peng for several years. Her meditation practice must have borne fruit, giving her a good mental refuge beyond doubt. When she became seriously ill, her children took her to Sakon Nakhon Hospital. They said she had clear mindfulness, aware throughout until the final moment. She told her caretakers at each stage what she felt: "I feel cold starting from the toes, now up to the shins, now up to the knees, now up to the chest." She fixed her mind on the chest with mindfulness. Her breath became fainter, fainter, and finally still.
Now only I remain as my own refuge. Relatives, siblings, and teachers — no one else is a refuge for me. I will strive to do good until life ends, because after death, no one can do good or evil for us.
The autobiography from the beginning until the age of ninety-two ends here.